I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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