I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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