There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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