Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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