I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
