So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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