I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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