Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
