people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
