We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Terrible idea I love it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
