shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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