Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
