i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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