So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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