bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
