dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
