I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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