On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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