okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
