He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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