Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
