I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
