I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
