Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
