What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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