We're facebook friends in real life
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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