it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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