Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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