i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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