I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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