Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
