he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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