There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
vagina is talking i cant
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
