either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
