Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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