high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
