I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
