now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
