I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
