its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
