i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
