its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
