I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
