Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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