I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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