PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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