Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
