He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
