I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize