Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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