I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
a search helicopter?!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
