if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
