There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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