OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
