I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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