We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
