wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize