Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
