It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize