I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
