I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
