I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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