So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
