Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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