I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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