Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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