One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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