Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
