I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
