You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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