What did we do last night that was yellow?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's like iHOP with fire
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize