I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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