I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
