i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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