Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
