either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
