My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
