my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
